[ Tuesday, August 05, 2003 ]

Sutor for Governor

Larry Flynt won’t let a background in porn stop him. Gray Davis won’t let an apparent lack of ability hinder him. Dozens of Californians won’t let obscurity hamper their case.

All of those individuals have faced their obstacles and at least made some initial effort in pursuing the position of California governor.

So, I will not let my obstacle stop me.

I am not a resident of California. I have spent about a grand total of one hour in the state roaming in the desert somewhere off Route 15 between Las Vegas and Los Angeles just north of the Mojave National Preserve. Why should I let that stop me?

My lack of residency does not make me any less qualified than a bunch of other people who will likely meet the standard of bucking up $3,500 and collecting 65 signatures in order to get their name on the state’s upcoming governor recall election ballot. I am just as fit as any individual whether basically unknown or one of the country’s greatest pornographers.

That is why I demand my spot on the ballot. And that is why I demand my spot in this political circus.

And remember my slogan: Who the hell is he? Ahhh, just PhugIt ... vote for Sutor in 2003.
Dave Sutor [10:03 PM]

Hussein / Taylor ... Goin’ Wild for Asylum

Forget Lennox Lewis.

If the heavyweight boxing champion wants to retire, so be it. The boxing community will do fine without him because there is a world class fight waiting to occur.

Right now, Liberian dictator Charles Taylor is playing a shell game with the world by repeatedly suggesting he would give up power if he could get asylum. Then he backtracks in a desperate attempt to cling to power for another week or so. Meanwhile, in a desert far, far away, Saddam Hussein is in hiding - no doubt pondering his mistake of being a brutal, oppressive killer without being an ally of the United States at the same time.

He only understood half of that equation - unlike the folks in Saudi Arabia.

Anyhow, who knows? Maybe he would also consider living out the rest of his life in a palace owned by some other third-world dictator. Maybe not.

Either way, both men honestly have to know they are screwed with no real way out. Basically the odds fall into the pretty-damn-certain range they could soon be captured in some way with an international war crimes trial looming as a possible outcome. That’s where boxing promoter Don King could enter the picture, as he promotes Goin’ Wild for Asylum at the MGM Grand or a north Africa desert crossroads ... who the hell cares?

Here’s the plan, put the two men into a boxing ring together.

The loser gets a trial where international prosecutors will spell out the graphic nature of their inhumanity to their fellow man. A likely life sentence or death sentence would follow.

Meanwhile, the winner would get exile and asylum in some country where the person would live like a king except for the ability to give the go-kill-50-people-for-laughs command.
Dave Sutor [10:01 PM]

Brother can you spare a whole lot?

Damn, Mike Tyson wasn’t already bankrupt.

Who knew?

Honestly, it just seemed like something that would have happened to the former boxing heavyweight champion a while ago. Didn’t it?

It’s a pretty standard story: Boxer wins title, makes obscene amounts of money, weds beautiful woman, beats said woman, loses said woman, loses said title, goes to prison (possibly repeatedly), discovers he has no money. It just seemed like Tyson would have already completed the circuit during his swirl of madness.

Maybe Tyson just didn’t want to lose all his money MC Hammer-style to the tune of tens of millions. Apparently, he was on a path to trump that number with serious aggression. Tyson just filed for bankruptcy after reportedly losing $300-$400 million.

At least nobody can repossess his tattoo ink.
Dave Sutor [10:00 PM]