[ Friday, July 11, 2003 ]

Always learn the local hunting rules

Randall Simon apparently forgot to read his Wisconsin pork product hunting manual.

The Pittsburgh Pirate went over his bag limit during a recent hunt at Miller Park - the home of the Milwaukee Brewers.

And his second mount might cost him.

Simon, during a recent game, stood in the dugout as four individuals ran past him in a race. They were dressed as an Italian sausage, a bratwurst, a Polish sausage and a hot dog, respectively. Simon decided to tap the Italian sausage - known in the real world as 19-year-old Mandy Block - with a baseball bat.

She fell.

Block also bumped into the hot dog - a.k.a. Veronica Piech, 21.

They fell to the ground, leading to possibly the best quote of all from this event tailor-made for one-liners. “I just looked over and saw our wieners in a wad," said Brewers manager Ned Yost in a quote found at The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel.

Block took the incident in good nature and asked for nothing more than the bat Simon used. Simon, who received a $432 fine for disorderly conduct, would have been okay if he just bagged the one pork product. However, he harvested a second running link.

And Piech showed no sense of humor concerning the joke gone wrong.

Piech, speaking to the MJS, stated, “From the moment this has happened, I've had utter disgust with the situation. I did not think it was a funny practical joke. He could have ended my career just like somebody could end his."

She also added: "It's definitely more of an emotional toll than I ever would have realized. It's a dangerous job. But out of the 100 things you plan for, you wouldn't plan for that."

If the idea of somebody worrying about their career as a running hot dog was not pathetic enough, Piech’s ‘emotional toll’ statement screams of an immature personality. It also resembles the statements one would expect from somebody already plotting a lawsuit.

And that’s why Simon’s second harvest might cost him.
Dave Sutor [2:39 PM]

19 years of change

Terry Wallis still mentally lives in a world in which Saddam Hussein is an American ally, Michael Jackson’s skin tone is black and the Detroit Tigers have the best team in baseball.

In July 1984 - the year the Tigers last won the World Series - Wallis nearly died in a car wreck. He then slipped into a 19-year coma that just ended. Wallis came out of the darkness and actually started to speak.

However, he has no knowledge of anything that happened during basically the last two decades.

He is presumably okay and well rested.
Dave Sutor [2:37 PM]

Just follow the instructions

Go to

Type ‘weapons of mass destruction’ into the search box without the quotes.

Then click the “I’m Feeling Lucky” button.
Dave Sutor [2:33 PM]