[ Wednesday, June 04, 2003 ]

A lovely home in the Carolina woods

Martha Stewart should talk to Eric Rudolph’s real estate agent.

Okay, Rudolph - the suspect recently arrested in relation to the Olympic Park bombing in Atlanta, GA and other acts of violence against abortion clinics - probably does not have a real estate agent. However, if reports are to be believed, Rudolph spent the last few years in isolated regions of southwest North Carolina, living off the land in make-shift shelters.

Wink, wink, nudge, nudge ... no anti-government types helped him during the last half-decade, either.

Now that he is captured, it would seem those hideouts - where he claimed to live on only wild game, acorns and lizards - are available. Maybe Stewart should inquire about a selling price, seeing is how she recently ran into her own trouble with the law. Stewart, well-known for promoting and financially prospering from a lifestyle that basically amounts to polishing the Titanic’s brass, to paraphrase a line from Fight Club - was indicted on June 4, 2003.

Her legal troubles stemmed from a December 2001 incident for which she is accused of having taken advantage of insider trading information when she learned her friend’s business - ImClone - would receive a negative government report concerning a key product. Stewart, who was labeled a domestic diva by some, allegedly sold her stock the day before the announcement based on insider information.

The nine indictments claim she then undertook a course of deception and fraud.

Ironically, Stewart claims her recent troubles cost her hundreds of millions of dollars due to stock drops in her own company and other losses when she would have lost only under $50,000 if she kept the ImClone stock, according to MSNBC.

So, maybe Stewart should run and hide like Rudolph. She could go to one of his recently-made-available hideouts where she could learn how to cook lizard and acorn stew and write a book about the 101 best ways to decorate a cave.
Dave Sutor [11:00 PM]