[ Saturday, June 14, 2003 ]

Homer rules the British

Homer Simpson could have preserved the Union, given the I Have a Dream speech, penned the Declaration of Independence, beaten Rocky Balboa for the heavyweight boxing title, sung Blowin’ in the Wind, led Revolutionary War troops, defeated the Nazis, invented numerous items and received a blowjob from an intern in the Oval Office.

Heck, he’s done a lot more than that. Homer, the patriarch of the cartoon Simpsons family, flew into space, ran a bootleg whiskey operation, won a Grammy, saved Springfield from a possible nuclear catastrophe, spent time as a baseball mascot, got shot in the stomach with a cannonball, ran a snowplow business, and so much more. Obviously, the British appreciate the cultural diversity displayed by Homer.

And he’s done all of those things while being piss drunk on Duff beer.

For those reasons and many more, Homer Simpson currently ranks atop a BBC poll that asks, “Who is the greatest American?” And he’s crushing the field. Simpson held almost 41 percent of the vote, as of early Saturday morning on June 14. The rest of the field, featuring distant second-place Abraham Lincoln (10 percent), included Franklin Roosevelt, Mr. T, Martin Luther King, Jr., Bill Clinton, Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, George Washington and Bob Dylan.

Now, try to figure out which name on that list goes with the list of accomplishments in the first sentence. Shame on you if you miss more than two.
Dave Sutor [1:42 PM]